The Undead

Did you know that there are vampires in America? Okay not really vampires, but kids who like to pretend that they’re vampires. They actually suck each other’s blood, ritualistically. I’m all for ritual and defiant teens, but this blood sucking thing is a little over the top. Blood is dirty, I mean really dirty. If you’re compelled to ingest something for the sake of becoming undead, why not eat dirt? It’s cleaner than blood and dead things are often put in dirt. There is a symbolic angle on the whole thing too, life springing from dirt and dead things returning to dirt and spawning new life borne of dead things. One could easily call a potato the undead or the living dead. Tubers. Tubers should be the new rebellion. If you want to be a vampire, eat a potato.